(Originally Posted: Thursday January 14, 2010)
I have a confession to make. I really didn’t think the Eagles were gonna win last week. Sorry if that’ll disillusion all of you that have been faithfully reading my blog for years, but it’s true. Between the way they shit the bed in week 17 and how they played against other playoff teams this year, I just didn’t see it. This did not, however, keep me from rooting my heart out for my beloved Birds on Saturday.
This column is not about last weeks train wreck in Dallas. This is about the Cowboys next game. And I saw it coming as soon as the playoff seeding was settled. The stupid Dallas Cowboys vs. the douche bottles Minnesota Favres. All of my loyal twitter followers know I have a burning hatred for Brett Favre that almost equals the 53-man roster of the Dallas Cowboys combined.
My first question was going to be whom do we root for? The Cowgirls or the Favres? The reasons to hate the soulless Cowboys are so clear and numerous, that they don’t need to be examined. So let’s look at our Lord and Savior, Brett Favre. (Hat tip to Gregg Easterbrook for Lord Favre moniker.)
I used to love Favre. I thought he was the true competitor, who loved to compete and respected the game. Loved the sport, loved his team and loved his fans. The crap he’s pulled over the last four years has completely soured me. Even before he actually retired (the first time) in Green Bay, he toyed with management a couple of offseasons before coming back.
When he finally retired (the first time) and decided he wanted to come back and play, he had ZERO regard for the franchise that had moved on or for Aaron Rodgers. (As I’m writing this, I’m realizing that Favre and Leno are eerily similar.) He also made sure to endear himself to the Jets players by getting his own private locker room. (What’s gonna work? Teamwork!)
Finally, the charade he pulled off this year, with retiring AGAIN and “suddenly” deciding halfway through the preseason that he would come play for the Vikings. A team that he just so happen to have a contract already worked out with. What an asshat! Childress is just as culpable in what they did to Tavaris Jackson, as is Favre.
If Favre’s “will he/won’t he” shenanigans weren’t bad enough, the national media’s idolatry of this mere mortal makes watching any game with him a hundred times harder. Besides the guys who call the games (we’ll get back to them) Peter King, NFL Network and especially the self proclaimed World Wide Leader, ESPN go above and beyond to portray Favre as a good ol’ boy whom’s just out there having a good time playing football. Not as the self centered, egotistical douche bottle who’s only concerned about his own legacy and doesn’t care about the game, doesn’t care about the fans and most egregiously, doesn’t care about his own teammates.
Watching Favre games are a nightmare. The lead up to the game is all Favre. Every play that Favre makes is perfect and an instant classic. During the Chicago Monday Night game, he threw a dead duck pass for a touchdown, and one of the talking heads (let’s say Gruden) described it as a “perfectly thrown ball.” Perfectly thrown ball, my ass! It was a touchdown, and got the job done, but it was a sorry ass throw. I hate hearing that he’s just a gunslinger. I hate hearing that he’s just making it up as he goes out there. I hate hearing that he’s just having fun out there. I hate hearing that he’s still the best. I said it before, and I’ll say is again, he’s an asshat!
With all that said, I will be rooting for that asshat. He is still playing the Cowboys. The only time you could possibly root for the Cowboys is if they are playing the Hells Satans. This game is going to be tough to watch. On par with a Giants-Cowboys playoff game. But you can’t skip this game. Our NFL slate is quickly slipping away. We only have seven games left this year. SEVEN! We have to treat each one like a precious gift. We just have to suck it up and realize that this gift is the pair of socks that we got from Aunt Kathleen. So let’s go Vikings! Let’s go Favre! Please don’t come up small like you have in the playoffs for most of this century. You can do it! (Barf.)